Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
