oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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