So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
