I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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