Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
