quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
