I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
