It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
