dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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