If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
