somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
