my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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