Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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