I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
