super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This baby is an asshole
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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