I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
