Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
