I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
