he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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