I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
