cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
