im about as happy as oj after his trial
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
