So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
