Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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