you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
