I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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