seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
