Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize