did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize