I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
