I'm jealous of your bromance
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
