we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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