Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
