corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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