she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this is an emotional support booty call
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
