I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize