if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
