I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
