I heard we made out
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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