if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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