david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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