Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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