break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
