Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
