I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
