i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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