i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
