i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
