Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
