Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
