oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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