so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
