there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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