They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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