M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's official drugs can't kill me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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