And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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