she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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