If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
