Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
