I cut my penus on the lid.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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