and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
