I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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