Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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