did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
