The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
