I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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